Things have been so crazy lately. I’ve been in a total daze the past day. Now, I’m running. A plan has formed, something to deaden the pain, something to distract me, something to replace the pain. Unlike everything he’s done, I’m not running away. I’m running headfirst, eyes open, directly into the tongues of flame. Right now, the act doesn’t matter. There is nobody here to see the pain flash across my face. There will be no one there when I reach my goal. Even if they track me, I have too good a head start.
I wonder if I’m currently on the same self-destructive path we accused him of being on. If so, perhaps I no longer blame him. This pain is too much, running through me like blood. I need a distraction large enough to make some of it go away. I can’t act anymore. I don’t need to.
Charlotte, I love you. You are my life, my soul, my heart. I will come back to you. Don’t follow me.
